2018-08-08, Natalya Baikalova: «Forming a Child’s Life Scenario»гостевое посещение
Natalya Baikalova is a business psychologist, a leading expert in the field of negotiation, strategy and management consulting.
According to the speaker, a life scenario is a set of attitudes, beliefs, principles, values that determine a person’s attitude to himself, to the world and to other people. The first layer of the life scenario is laid not instructive things in 5 years. A child under 5 years old looks and “writes off” – the principle of following works. Children are trying to reproduce the model of parental behavior.
Next comes the Renaissance and adolescence (10-12 years). At this time, the child enters with a definite view of what I am, what kind of world, and begins to compare himself with others. What are the goals in 10-12 years? Recognition, to be your own in the group – affiliation. 10-12 years is a short period in which a child can revise his script, but already influenced by relationships with peers, the environment.
The next nodal point is 18-19 years. The young man came out into the world and realized that his mother told me that money is not the main thing, the main thing is to be a good person. But it turned out that money is important. During this period there is a selection of children’s beliefs.
By the year 21, it ends, and the final life scenario of the life scenario ends at 28 years. Before this time, there should be some significant event in life: marriage or marriage, childbirth, where the scenario is fixed: what kind of world am I and what is around me.
Four factors that influence the formation of the script.
1. The behavior of parents in organic conditions. This is how we behave in relation to others, in relation to the partner, what kind of intimacy scenario we demonstrate in relation to our parents, to the child.
2. Parenting or waiting. Every child understands why he is encouraged in the family, and for what he is being punished. That is how parents want to see it.
3. Relationship with peers. How is my relationship with my peers? Am I able to gain recognition with this pattern of behavior? Can I be mine or not?
4. Personal traumatic experience. This is a divorce of parents, all sorts of violence, the loss of loved ones, etc.
Natalia stressed that parents are obliged to be responsible for the safety of the child, as long as he demands it, to be responsible for his knowledge or familiarity with the social norms he has chosen. And it is the parents who acquaint the child with the concepts of the personal boundaries of other people, including him. Thus, the child develops a strategy for himself, how he will act in life in order to achieve his goal.